Cattie - ancient Greeks

You do not want to be an ancient Greek xD Life was ravished with tragedy, particularly if you are cursed by one of the gods. And yes, the gods often curse various people, for various reasons. Also, if you were an ancient Greek female, and you had a pulse, you were probably raped by Zeus. And if you were in a relationship, well, then you're really fucked xD Let's go over just a few of the couples in ancient Greek times...

Orpheus and Eurydice
After Eurydice died on their wedding day, Orpheus had the chance of a lifetime to bring her back to life, but in typical male fashion, blew it. Then he got ripped apart by dogs. Or drunken women. There are different versions.

Baucis and Philemon
They asked the gods to die together, and instead, the gods turned them into two trees that grew from the same trunk. Nice. Trees. Yup.

Pyramus and Thisbe
Remember Romeo and Juliet? This is them. Greek versions. Except their blood turned into mulberries. Yum!

Now, if you were a Greek hero, there is a ray of light for you. Here are some of the wonderful things heroes did.

Theseus
Forgot to hoist a white sail instead of a black sail as he was returning from victory, so his dad thought Theseus was dead and threw himself off a cliff. W2G! He also ditched his wife.

Hercules
Cursed by Hera, she drove him to kill his wife and two daughters, and then he burns himself to death. And no, not out of grief. He came to death instead of death coming for him, the ultimate show of cockiness.

Jason
After he convinced Medea to betray her father, betray her country, steal the Golden Fleece, and kill her own brother, Jason ditched her for a princess, despite the fact he had two kids by her. Nice dad!

And when you died, the Greek afterlife is called the Fields of Asphodel. Picture a wheat field in Kansas. That goes on. And on. And on. Forever. You just sit there. Forever. In the dark. Forever.

The reason this blog is really long is that it's 12:44am, and I have nothing else to do xD